I want to Die…

I admit that the title of this piece was a shameless attempt to grab your attention but never fear, I am not writing about being suicidal. I want to talk about our need as Followers of Christ to consciously and diligently die to our will so that we can produce spiritual fruit for Christ. Perhaps when you initially made the decision to follow Christ, you did not realize what it truly means to declare Jesus Christ as your Lord. If He is truly your Lord, then you are submitted to His Word, His will. This by definition means that your will must die.

Now there were certain Greeks among those who came up to worship at the feast. Then they came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida of Galilee, and asked him, saying, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.”

Philip came and told Andrew, and in turn Andrew and Philip told Jesus.

But Jesus answered them, saying, “The hour has come that the Son of Man should be glorified. Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor. John 12:20-26 NKJV

There is so much insight into what our mindset should be as Christians, contained in this short passage of Scripture. I believe most of us desire to be fruitful for God, to be used by Him. The biggest obstacle to our being fruitful is usually our ego. One of the amazing things about farming is that one grain or seed can produce so much fruit. However, the only way that fruit can be produced is for the seed to first be buried and for it to die.

Likewise the only way for us to be fruitful for God, is for us to die. Our ego must die. Our desire for accolades must die. Perhaps most importantly, our will must die. Jesus tells us that we are to follow Him but the context makes clear that the prerequisite to following Him is death. There are probably many applications to this principle but I want to focus on what I believe was His main point; the death of our will and the pursuit of His will.

As I’ve already stated, usually our biggest obstacle to pursuing God’s will and dying to our own, is our ego. Our desire to be recognized and our desire to do things our way are in direct conflict with Scripture’s principles. When we desire to be praised it is no less than trying to take God’s glory because we can do nothing worthwhile without His enablement. Therefore He is the one worthy of praise for our accomplishments, not us. Our desire to do things our own way is nothing less than idolatry, because we are elevating our will to equality with God’s will.

We are two days from the year 2011. I don’t know what God has promised you for 2011. I do know that I am a part of an incredible Church (Dallas First Church) that God has made some great promises to for this coming year. I have also received some personal promises as well. There is one major obstacle to God fulfilling His promises to myself and to DFC; EGO. The things God will accomplish at DFC in 2011 are going to be known by others. God does not share His glory with ANYONE! Therefore those of us who desire to be used of God must do all we can to shun glory and point all praise and glory to the One Who is worthy. Indeed, there is nothing we will individually or collectively accomplish in 2011 because we are so great. Anything accomplished will be because of God’s anointing and enablement.

The year of 2010 has been a year of the “Potter’s Wheel” for me. It has been a year of God teaching me to die to my own will and plans and a time of learning to trust Him completely. Perhaps your 2010 was the same or hopefully this is something you have already learned. The great news is that if we will die to our own will and plans then we can live in His will and fulfill His plans. This is the true secret to greatness in the Kingdom of God. To become so completely dead to our own desires and ego, that God will trust us and share His will and plans with us. So that He will trust us enough to USE us for His glory.

The New Year is upon us. Only God knows what struggles, accomplishments, and joy awaits us in 2011. As Christians we do know at least this one thing however; that He will be with us every step of the way. I hope that 2010 has accomplished my death as it relates to my own will and ways. I pray that 2011 will see the resurrection of His will and ways in my life and ministry. I don’t pretend to know a whole lot. I do know at least this much; if you will truly pick up your cross, die daily and follow Him completely, you will experience the greatest year of your life in 2011. My New Years resolution? I want to die.

2010: It was the Worst of Years; It was the Best of Years

2010 is wrapping up and 2011 is almost upon us. 2010 has flown by in many ways and yet has been a very long year. It’s been the worst year of my life and yet it’s been the best year of my life.

About this time in 2009 I was preparing for my annual Fast in the beginning of January where I seek God’s direction for the coming year, and I already was feeling that 2010 was to be a year of priorities. I just kept feeling that God wanted me to focus on what my priorities were to be. I had an idea of what that meant. I was completely wrong!

This year was indeed a year of Priorities, but it was not a year where I sorted out what priorities I needed to focus on and then executed the plan (so to speak). Instead it was a year where God has shown me where my priorities were and where they should be.

As you can see, I have not posted anything for a while. The reason has simply been that I could not think of anything that would not sound like I was whining about my circumstances. If you have read my previous post you know a little of what my recent months have been like. They got much worse. But please do not take my statement of facts as a pity party or a whine fest. Such is not the case. I am Blessed in more ways than space permits me to elaborate. If nothing else, I am BLESSED so much to be able to minister the Word to the best group of Saints in the World, Dallas First Church.

First let me say that I am not attempting to illicit sympathy nor am I saying poor me (though I am poor) For the first time in my life I have struggled to find a job. The company I worked for went out of business on February 7 without notice or warning. I was initially not concerned, but I eventually realized this was not like previous times. Then I found a good job and  four days later promptly injured my knee severely, by completely tearing my ACL tendon from the lower part where it was attached to the bone. (This was not an on the job injury, in fact I injured it at Church. I do not have insurance) Due to my injury I was not qualified for unemployment and I was quickly broke. Yet the Lord continually supplied my financial needs right on time.

It has really been a terrible time in many ways. At least physically. I was on crutches for a month and a half, then on a cane and finally it had been so long since the injury that I was able to hobble on my crooked leg. I could not stand for long and could not walk far. Yet God continually showed Himself faithful.

Then a miracle, a charity program agreed to pay for my surgery 3 months after my injury. So on December 1st I underwent ACL replacement surgery, which was not much fun. Then I began physical therapy and that has been torture. All of this though is bearable and expected due to the injury.

What was not expected and frankly threw me for a loop, was God seemingly cutting me off as of December. For the first time I find myself unable to pay my mortgage or other bills. Now I get to daily have encouraging conversations with collectors. To be honest this development really got me out of sync. I simply could not figure out the reason for this seeming abandonment by my LORD.

I cannot claim to really understand even as of now, but I do have a theory I will share with you. As I mentioned, this year has been a year of God teaching me His priorities and teaching me where my priorities need to be. I have learned He can and WILL provide for my legitimate needs. It has truly been the worst of years and the best of years. I have learned so much about what it really means to trust God. I thought I did trust Him, now I KNOW I trust Him.

That really has been the best lesson of this year. I know I trust my LORD. So, here I am facing mounting bills and late payments, etc. and I can now say truthfully; the LORD’s will be done. I don’t wont to face foreclosure nor do I want a bad credit report. I am proud to have a 800 plus credit score. Perhaps too proud. Regardless, as of this Sunday I understand. I think. (I spent the first 18 days of the month saying; Lord, where are You at?)

The question I have had to ask myself this month is; “can I trust Him when He doesn’t supply the need?” Perhaps, I need to learn trust Him when faced with the loss of what little I have left. I say I trust Him. That I trust that He has my best interests at heart and will only allow what is best for me into my life. Obviously I can bring bad consequences into my life for bad decisions and behavior. However, I can honestly say that the current circumstances are not the result of bad decisions or bad behavior. They are simply the result of an injury that prevents me from working at present. I had the 6 month emergency savings account. I was debt free except for my house. But 2009 and 2010 took my savings to $0.00 and added Hospital and Doctor debt. So financially and in the natural, it’s been the worst of years. So can I trust God when everything from the “natural” perspective seems to say that He’s abandoned me to my own fate?

I have learned this year to truly understand that this “natural” world is not truly the “real” world. The spiritual world is the “real” world. The lessons I have learned this year, the conversations I have had with Jesus, the trust I have learned; all this and more have made this the BEST OF YEARS.

I hope I have made some sense in my rambling. My heart is overflowing with so much I’m having trouble expressing my heart. Let me begin to sum it all up. Things are just that, things. Having a nice house is nice, but not necessary. I can rent an apartment again if need be. Having a nice bank account is very nice, but not necessary. The most important thing in life is a relationship with Jesus that is trusting and intimate. To have that is worth any natural price. I have learned to ask: “when I stand before Jesus, will this matter?” Will I care about the house I lived in when I stand before Jesus? Will having nice clothes be important when I am in heaven?

This is the bottom line, will I know Jesus and will He know me? What were my priorities on earth? Was accumulating possessions and wealth my driving force? I pray that when the time comes for me to stand before the Judgement Seat of Christ that I will have learned to put a relationship with Jesus as my first priority in life. You may say, but what about _______ (you fill in the blank)? The truth is, if you have a close relationship with Christ, everything else will fall into place because you will live to please Him.

So what’s the answer to the question; “can I trust God when it seems in He has abandoned me?” I can now say YES! So really this has been the Best of Years. Since the spiritual is the “real” and eternal, while the “natural” is simply temporal, 2010 was really not a bad year after all. It’s been the Best Year of my life.